Relationships

In a world where we’re more connected how can we be more alone? How can we be reachable in nearly every part of the world and feel so separated from our humanity and from each other? The answers aren’t easy nor are they straightforward. It turns out tha...

The Art of Community: Seven Principles for Belonging is more like a sketch of where to go than the kinds of GPS-enabled maps that we’re used to today, but that’s not a criticism.  Community and belonging are necessarily context dependent, and as a re...

Humans have gathered since our first dawn as a species.  We did so to share our resources and to protect one another.  We’re better together than we are alone, and it’s this togetherness that has allowed us to become successful.  However, because we’re ...

It’s spooky stuff.  Rewind the clock to a time before you have conscious memories and watch your interactions with your mom and dad.  Mary Ainsworth did this and refined the work of John Bowlby on attachment.  They collectively discovered that the way ...

Useful.  In short, the concept of attachment that started with Bowlby so long ago is useful.  It’s useful for shaping parents’ responsiveness, public policy, and even understanding how adults respond in relationships.  It’s even important to understa...

The attachment system that John Bowlby first theorized has spawned a great deal of research and knowledge (in part due to Mary Ainsworth’s contributions).  Attachment in Adults: Clinical and Developmental Perspectives shares some of the interesting an...

I came to read Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families on the recommendation of Drs. John and Julie Gottman.  (See The Science of Trust , The Relationship Cure , and Eight Dates for ...

When there’s a famous person that we’re interested in, we’ll read a biography.  However, A Biography of Loneliness: The History of an Emotion isn’t about a person.  It’s about an emotion that rose to prominence over the last several decades to the poin...

Picking up a 14-year-old book on social trends seems like a foolish thing to do in the world of the Intranet. It seems like with each new month that passes there’s a new definition of social at Internet speed – however, social is, as my friend Eric Shup...

I’ve learned that, in legal encounters, apologies are often avoided.  Over the years, I’ve occasionally encountered situations where I’ve got contracts that are materially breached by larger entities.  The degree to which the breach caused me harm co...

Dr. Ruth is all most people need to hear to know exactly who we’re talking about.  In The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life , Dr. Ruth Westheimer shares her direct style of tackling the problem of...

It’s lonely everywhere, but Thomas Joiner believes that it is particularly Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Men’s Success .  He’s certainly not alone in this belief.  It’s a common cliché that it’s lonely at the top.  But there’s more to it.  It’s lo...

It started with work on what happens when one member of a couple dies.  What’s the process by which the bereaved person reconstructs their life?  This led Robert Weiss to a broader study of all Marital Separation , inclusive of divorce.  (For more on d...

Making friends used to be easy or at least easier.  You went to school with kids, and you had time to connect.  Somewhere in adulthood, it became harder to spend time with others in ways that allowed you to find and keep friends.  Platonic: How the Sc...

Attachment didn’t start with adult relationships.  It started with the study of children and their behaviors.  It started with an attempt to understand why some children would cling to their parents, some would avoid them, and some would explore when the...

When I found out that Dr. Cloud was releasing a new book, The Power of the Other , I put it at the top of my reading stack. Why? Well, I’ve been a big fan of his work. Having read and reviewed Boundaries , and Changes that Heal , I appreciate Dr. ...

Growing up, my family was dysfunctional. I realize that this is redundant. No family system is completely healthy. There are always portions of the family that will be irresponsible. There are parts of everyone’s family that will try to control others. T...

Who are we really? Are we the person we are when we’re with friends? Or is it that we’re the person we are with family? Or perhaps we’re really expressing our true nature when we’re by ourselves. In The Secret Lives of Adults: Your Seven Key Relation...

I don’t think about it as my cult experience.  I don’t process the interaction with Scientology as a near-miss with a cult.  However, Terror, Love and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems helps me to realize how close I really was. ...

In America, we’ve become more divisive and more polarized in our politics, but why?  In Why We’re Polarized , Ezra Klein seeks to explain the progression of polarization and the factors that drive it.  Short on solutions, Klein is content to describe a pro...

Everyone finds places where they’ve made a mistake, done wrong, or inadvertently harmed someone else, and an apology is called for.  At some level, everyone needs to learn how to better apologize, to heal the hurts that they have caused.  Why Won’t You A...